@deetoo - It's *possible* it's allergies, but I went through several years of allergies shots years ago (one of the best decisions I ever made!) and now hardly ever have to take allergy medicine. And I had severe allergies, too. At any rate, my knees have begun to ache (eek), so I'm thinking allergies are not the culprit. Oddly enough, I had this same exact thing two weeks ago. I'm taking my temperature quite neurotically, and so far nothing to mention there. Knock on wood!
Re: the gut, I take a daily probiotic and I swear by it. I take the Garden of Life brand, which is available on amazon. I have some gut issues (irritable bowel being the most problematic) and the probiotic (along with a magnesium supplement) has cured much of my anxious "bubble gut" haha
Physically all is well here thus far. The problem is mental health. No one is stir crazy or taking the lockdown hard, but I'm sick of the mental stress involved. Parents always worry about their kids and being a foster parent makes that amplified some. I am just sick and tired of truly worrying about my family 24/7 these days. I'm really ready for it to end but know it wont be happening anytime soon.
Maybe this is a space for everyone to vent their anxiety but i guess I want to add a counter and also say it makes me a little uncomfortable to admit how much I love being quarantined.
I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to spend with my girls and teach them, and take walks and read to them. I'm working from home but I don't feel the rush to finish bedtime routines so I have time to meditate and relax because after all tomorrow we can have a slow morning. I feel like it's been a great opportunity to be mindful- which I've always tried to do, but now without a set schedule I am doing it.
What a nice thread. I appreciate the check ins with everybody.
My man is an essential employee. Sent him off with a sandwich and bleach wipes to disinfect his car after each drive.
The high anxiety has settled into a hope for health. Every day that passes without illness, and every day that things are closed, gives me hope. instead of griping and bemoaning the changes, I welcome them. Each closure keeps me and mine safer. Each person self isolating is saving lives.
I am doing a decent job distracting myself. I am also trying to limit my intake of news as it is all scary.
Sending love and light to you all. I've been MIA. I'm physically ok, but things here have been rough. It started with a dream. Judging by my notifications and how old most of them are, it must be a month ago or more by now. I dreamed that dad was killed in a car crash. That's how I knew my sister's number was up. I had dreams of her death weeks before she passed. Both dreams involved out of control crashes (car and plane), meaning I can do nothing to stop it. In this one, I was in the car, but was thrown clear prior to the crash. Dad was still in rehab for his fractured hip at this point. Mom was home with me and was declining rapidly. I had a cruise scheduled for this week, and I had been to a local nursing facility in early February to arrange respite care, so I could go on the much needed vacation. I had talked to the administrators while doing so, and they realized that I was in a tough spot-trying to place one person in a home is difficult enough, but I had two with differing needs that I wanted to keep together. Neither would do well separately. Dad only had two days left in rehab, and by then mom was getting to the point where she was pretty much bed ridden here at the house. Even with a wheel chair, it was getting dicey taking care of her. Long story short (that would be novel for me-right? And yes-pun intended), since mom can no longer walk, she didn't have to go in a memory care unit. Out of the blue, the home that committed to respite care was going to discharge two patients within a matter of days, and they could rearrange their current residents to get me a double occupancy room. I've looked for over half a year with no luck. I got them placed almost two weeks ago, and not even 36 hours passed before the home went on lock down. So, I haven't been able to visit, but they're together. Dad had been told of mom's decline, but he's taking it hard actually seeing it. I'm sure he didn't believe me when I'd tell him during visits or calls (classic narcissist). I hear the stress in his voice when we talk. Doc at the home told dad flat out at the end of last week she believes mom is starting to fail. My dreams and cards tell me dad will go first.
I've kept myself from the news and social media. I had enough stress on my plate. I know what's coming, I just don't know when. I have lots of guilt, which is normal, and there have been many tears. I'm not turning a blind eye to what is going on in the world, just insulating myself in my home as there's not much I can do about any of it at this point but to let go and let God. I haven't checked my investment balances to know if I have a chance at retiring, or to know how long I can remain at home without working. My car seems to have a major issue, and since I've not worked in 18 months because of taking care of my parents, there's no way to get a new one. I'm not going to sweat the small stuff-and yes, that is finally in my small stuff column.
I had a friend who recommended a foreign tv series to me. I've gone down that rabbit hole more times than I want to admit. It was funny, corny at times, formulaic at others, and the love story at the heart of it touched me deeply. One of the main characters was so relatable to me because of the family issues she dealt with. On about the third viewing of the series there was one particular scene where the female lead was describing how several years prior she didn't want to die, but she didn't want to live either. She had spent her life loving people who couldn't show her love in return. Back then she needed consolation, and to hear someone tell her she needed to live, to go on and be happy. As the character paused during this monologue, Monica's voice chimed loud and clear in with a simple two words- "Live, Mom." To say I broke into the ugly cry would be an understatement. That beautiful girl always did have a great sense of timing. She knew what it took to take in abusive individuals and care for them in spite of their dysfunction. She knew what toll it would take on me-mentally, physically, and financially. Unlike her verbose mother, she told me in two words to ride out the storm, and all will be well for me-even if I didn't feel that for myself just yet.
So, I'm going to continue to wait out the storm, be ok in my solitude. I'll work on the house putting it back in order as I can-there's guilt involved in removing evidence of my parents living here, or dealing with their things. I'll eventually get to the point where I sleep through the night again. Or meditate again. In the end, it will be ok. I will be ok. I'll continue to watch the blooming show as often as I want to enjoy watching others discover love and overcome issues to do so because it reinforces my feelings of hopefulness. I'll watch old movies (love The Man Who Came To Dinner), comedies that have been recommended, love stories, Pride and Prejudice or Downton Abbey. I'll work in the gardens. I'll do what soothes my soul. As should the rest of you.
It's ok to take care of yourselves, and not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders for a bit. Our own little corners of the world are heavy enough to bear on their own sometimes. Taking care of ourselves means when this starts to wind down, we can help others. When you listen to the directions of the flight attendants, they tell you that in case of emergency to put your oxygen mask on first so you can then help others. This is no different. Take care of yourselves first, then we can help others.
Big hugs and lots of love to all of you who have been able to keep sending light and love to all out in the world during these times.
I have been doing some cleaning and spending some time with my little man. I have been having anxiety, but with reassurance that everything is going to be ok and that we are safe it has given me hope. We are so close to finalizing our house, it took us a while to find one, but this one kept calling to me. I felt at peace just people there. My fiance still has to go back and forth to the prison, but they are taking allot of percussions there from what he shares with me. I just want to say thank you Jeanne for starting this amazing community, y'all have been my saving grace for the last few years ?
Hello, my friends,
I just finished watching the 2018 documentary about Fred Rogers, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.” If you have an opportunity, I would encourage you to see it. Incredibly moving and inspiring.
Here are some of Fred’s words, prescient for our times:
What is essential in life is invisible to the eye.
The only thing that changes the world is love that can be shared.
Take the gauntlet and make goodness attractive to this next millennial.
We are called to be repairers of creation.
God bless you, @cindy. God bless and protect all of you and your loved ones. I am holding all of you in the light.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I love this so much! You have found the good in a challenging situation and that is the true blessing.
Yes, this isolation may well save our own lives and the lives of those we love. And yes it will become more challenging in time.
So we truly all need to see the blessing, find the flow of grace and gratitude and with each other and our own individual families and friends we can weather this topsy turvy upside down world and greet a better horizon each and every new day.
Love that your love of your girls is so great and so wonderful. Its already gotten you through so many other challenges and given you the strength to still reach out to help others.
Love is so much more powerful than fear. And you find love in so many lovely and creative ways too. Keep on keeping on Jaidy!
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Just exploring that very idea with my man. Fred Rogers birthday was March 20th. He was such an amazing child advocate and is a personal hero.