I was reading a short story about a New York City writer during the pandemic. He stopped exercising, walking, reading, planning. He went into a meditative rant, sifting through memories that just surfaced randomly. It has him, and now me, asking, "what's really wroth remembering and what gives life its weight?
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/01/24/whats-the-deal-hummingbird?
I am posting the first few paragraphs so you get the idea of what I'm wondering from you. The question I ask is, do you have a paragraph worth of memories that float up without you interfering first before anything else?
"On or around May 5th of 2020, he just stopped. He stopped exercising, stopped walking, stopped reading, stopped planning. He ate, drank, washed, and paid the bills, but that was it. He was seventy-three. He’d spent more than 38,368,800 minutes on earth, only a precious few of which he remembered.
That’s what hit him one evening, after the cheering and clanking of pots and pans had died down: a vast chunk of his life—the greater part of his life—might as well never have occurred. Not just the time spent sleeping but those millions of minutes spanning lunches, dinners, meetings, concerts, marriage, work, books, movies, conversations—all gone. What remained? A bird’s breath of his existence.
Sitting with his mother in Prospect Park when an actual bird had shat on her dress and he, eight years old, thought the world had swerved off course.
Wounding a squirrel with a BB gun when he was ten and crying over the small quivering body. Losing a footrace when he was twelve because he was so far ahead he thought he could slow down.
Smoking a joint in Sheridan Square Park when an old man in tattered clothes approached and said, “If you tell me you love me, I’ll tell you how to make a lot of money.”
Running headlong down a steep hill in a Kentucky hollow, exhilarated by the danger of falling and breaking his legs.
Listening as Seiji Ozawa conducted “The Rite of Spring” at Tanglewood when the skies darkened and thunder rumbled and a hard slanting rain sheeted into the tent, spraying the audience and the musicians onstage. Ozawa didn’t seem to notice, but he noticed that the musicians were smiling, almost grimacing. The strings cried with the wind and thumped with the drums, and the horns played searing notes in various keys and it was so fucking wonderful that he never even thought to look over at his girlfriend."
The phrase, "What's up, Hummingbird?" comes in the last paragraph:
"He remembered the afternoon that his mother, wearing a green velour hat, had picked him up at day care. Upon seeing her, he had exclaimed, “What’s the deal, hummingbird?,” and she had given him a brilliant smile and replied, “Hey, what’s the word, banana peel?” For the whole ride back to the house, she had chuckled and tousled his hair, and when they got home she picked up the phone and called his father. She then motioned him over so he could speak into the receiver. He repeated what he’d said and his father slowly let out his deep-chested laugh. “So what’s the word, banana peel?” he roared."
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01/22/2022 4:39 pm
so gently, quietly intense
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Topic starter 01/22/2022 7:00 pm
I can only post one of these memories at a time. But recently this one has been surfacing.It was a nightmare I had at age five that no one I told thought qualified as a nightmare because it sounds so fun and silly.
I recently told it to @unkp who knew exactly why it was a nightmare. In the dream there were two hamburger patties dancing on top of a train that was moving down the track. They were just the patties, with sticks for arms and legs, like Mr. Potato Heads. That was it. I tried to tell a lot of people but everyone ignored me. I wish I'd had an Uncle P back then (as in Unk-P) because when I told him about it yesterday, he wrote:
Wow, thanks for sharing your dream- you know, fast food, and esp hamburgers, have been a living nightmare. Almost every American is overweight. Who knows how many have died, specifically from hamburger eating. Burgers have also caused huge destruction of the Amazon rainforest. And i have seen firsthand, how cattle grazing can cause desertification of the land. Not to mention the cruelty inflicted on the cows. So you may not have had the words, as a child, to explain how burgers could be a nightmare- but somehow you intuitively knew this, even then. --
Thank you, @unk-p
I wonder if the memories like these that are so vivid when I can't even remember my first wedding or my high school or college graduation or almost anything I learned in three graduate degrees are a message about what is important in life. Okay, you are laughing at hamburger dreams. But maybe it is saying something worth knowing.
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01/22/2022 7:38 pm
@jeanne-mayell Best thing I've read in a long time...bittersweet.
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Topic starter 01/22/2022 8:18 pm
I forgot to add what Unk-P also wrote during our conversation (he said I could post it):
"What if we are here on this earth now to raise the vibration, to increase the light?"
Jeanne. i love that you said this. "When i was young, i was distraught bc i felt that i didnt have a purpose. I felt like a pointless person. I prayed, and asked for some kind of reason for why i should exist, using up resources and bandwidth. That night in my dreams, it was in the future. I was watching the scientists, who had discovered a way to observe and record the light that we all have shining, and that we can help increase, the brightness of it , the joy , to help increase that light The dream didnt give me any specific answers as to How To Do It, but, still, it helped. And there were also cigar shaped craft afloat lol."--@unk-p
This dream he had as a child reminded me of a vision I've seen many times while reading clients. I have seen that from the vantage point of being on the ground here on earth, they may not think they matter, but if we had a view of the earth from outer space that picked up people’s soul light, I see they show up quite brightly. Their light stands out.
I also like those cigar shaped craft he saw.
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01/23/2022 2:38 am
I love this thread!!!
I wonder perhaps, if the former memories we no longer remember have simply become a part of us. We might not remember much from our college classes, but some of the lessons have surely incorporated themselves into how we view certain aspects of life.
Perhaps we remember something better when we make certain associations. The smell of a campfire will remind you of your love of s'mores, the song on the radio of a summer drive across the country.
My youngest daughter best remembers things when she has a memory of food associated with them. Our trip to Bar Harbor Maine? The ice cream shop that served a lemon blueberry crumble homemade flavor. The Luau in Hawaii when she was 4? The rice pudding, not the show. The American Indian Smithsonian? The downstairs food court with food from South America. If she is going to remember her College graduation, I will need to make sure we have a memorable meal afterwards.
Now regarding Joy, well, we might actually remember our normal boring daily life if we look for joy while living each day. You have taught in your previous classes @Jeanne-Mayell how important it is to find even one thing we are joyful about as we move about our day.
My oldest daughter has already learned this lesson and it amazes me. She will call me each day on her way home after a day of teaching. No matter how difficult the day, she will find something positive to share with me. Something in which she is grateful, joyful or remembers a light filed moment. She usually begins the conversation by telling me the good part of the day.
Often this will include a funny or sweet moment with a student, a lesson that went beautifully, or an "ah ha' moment when she realized she was "in the zone".
Then there are the things she must search for after a very trying day or week, but they always occur.
For example, during the past 2 weeks there have been over 100 cases of Covid at her school. You can imagine the difficulties that has presented to the staff. She has had to "bend like a willow" every day or she would break. This week some of the positive or lighter moments she focused on were how enjoyable it is to teach a class with half the students as normal because she was about to spend more time interacting with them and getting to know them as individuals. She was able to let students explore their subjects more creatively. She was able to share how funny her younger kids were getting off the bus in 13 degree weather, their shocked looks as they felt the cold wind on their faces. How the older kids said the cold "didn't bother them" and acted all "cool". How quickly bus duty goes when 20% of the school is missing. How refreshing it was that her principle wore a mask for the first time this school year after returning from having Covid.
When she was little, every night before bed we would "talk about our day" when I would tuck her in for the night. We would always find something positive to say about the day and she would come up with the most amazing things as a young child. It is so beautiful that she still wants to "talk about her day" on the way home from work now. That she is capable of still finding that good "golden" moment, even if she needs to dig deeper than normal.
@Bluebelle has told me more than once that my daughter was called to move to Texas during a pandemic and teach. Texas. Pandemic. Teach. Any of those words alone can be frightening in this age. But she is a light worker.
Posted by: @jeanne-mayell:
"What if we are here on this earth now to raise the vibration, to increase the light?"
We are indeed called to be here on earth at this time to be light workers, to raise the vibration.
She is certainly raising the vibration and increasing the light in Texas. Her calls home raise the vibration and light in me. I hopefully in turn can do the same for others.
We are all connected. Let's use our connection to keep the light on.
(And now I have the song "This Little Light of Mine" playing in my head.
hahaha!)
"All around the world, I'm gonna let it shine..."
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01/23/2022 10:20 am
@lovendures Yesterday marked the passing of the great Vietnamese Buddist monk Thich Nhat Hanh at his home temple in Vietnam. He was one of the great light workers of our earth and his wisdom showed us how to savor life and how to persevere in the most difficult of times.
As Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh explained, “When the crowded Vietnamese refugee boats met with storms or pirates, if everyone panicked, all would be lost. But if even one person on the boat stayed calm and steady, it was enough. They showed the way for everyone to survive.”
When you think about it, he was describing the role of light workers. While we are living through a pandemic, rising inflation, economic uncertainty, political upheaval and a breakdown in societal norms, a light worker like your daughter will recognize the positive events and have a sense of gratitude. The light worker sets an example for others and steadies the boat.
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01/23/2022 10:24 am
Thank you for these inspirational posts! Lovendures, my parents were teachers and I know how much effort and dedication it takes to do the job well. I love the stories you related about your daughter and think of her often in her difficult pandemic teaching year. One can feel your much deserved pride in her.
Teachers can make an important difference in the lives of students and even provide beams of light that persists throughout our lifetimes. I have two teachers that I recall in such a way. First, my second grade teacher was an enthusiastic wonder, bringing the arts into the classroom teaching us songs that we acted out and playing music so that we could dance. She challenged us with three-syllable vocabulary words and called me to her desk to marvel over a complex sentence I had written. I wish she could know how much that year meant to me.
The other extraordinary teacher in my life was a short, intense college professor, a nun, JC, who was a member of a teaching order that included many wonderful teachers. She taught anatomy and physiology, not a subject one often associates with pleasure but she inspired us to be curious, to thoroughly understand the subject and to shoot for excellence. For example, she paused in class one day to exclaim, "Isn't osmosis a MIRACLE??!!" Trembling with excitement, I thought, "Yes, osmosis is a miracle!"
My all time favorite experience as a student was when JC interrupted a large class in which a friend and I were taking an exam hosted by a couple of grim professors. (My friend and I were taking JC's embryology course at the time.) We were stunned, wondering what on earth could possibly warrant being excused from an exam. Without explanation, she beckoned the two of us to follow her several floors up to a science lab. She stood proudly by the lab counter, swept her arm toward a microscope and said succinctly, "Fresh rat sperm; I knew you would want to see it." *
So, Lovendures, please tell your daughter that she cannot not know how far her encouragement and positivity will go in the lives of her students. It is a great position for a light worker.
*No, I didn't ask how she came by it.
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01/23/2022 12:51 pm
@bluebelle, thank you for sharing about Thich Ngat Hanh's passing. I had the blessed privilege of hearing him speak at the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. almost 30 years ago. He was a man of small physical stature but his gentle, humble presence was magnificent. I knew that I was in the presence of a powerful teacher and lightworker.
I pulled out some books to find some of Thich Ngat Hanh's quotations, but there are so many memorable ones that I'd take up numerous pages if I included them all. Here are some of my favorites:
"No mud, no lotus."
“For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.”
"Thanks to impermanence, everything is possible."
"The present moment is the substance with which the future is made."
"You are not an observer, you are a participant."
“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”
"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
"The wave does not need to die to become water. She is already water."
"When a person’s speech is full of anger, it is because he or she suffers deeply.”
"But I always say that anger is an organic thing, like love. Anger can become love. Our compost can become a rose. If we know how to take care of our compost…Anger is the same ... We do not need to throw anything away.”
"We don’t need to wish our friends, ‘Peace be with you.’ Peace is already with them. We only need to help them cultivate the habit of touching peace in each moment.”
“What you are looking for is already in you. You already are everything you are seeking.”
"Our own life has to be our message."
"May our heart's garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers."
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01/23/2022 1:07 pm
@lovendures, I loved what you shared about your daughter. Your daughter is a lightworker because you helped cultivate that which is within her. You taught her resilience to weather the storms while focusing on the daily joys in life. It's so beautiful that at such a young age, you gave your daughter that time and safe space to find and explore those light-filled moments of joy. And it's wonderful that your daughter's calls now raise that vibration in you.
Through your generous, loving and open spirit, I know you have raised that vibration and light in me. Thank you, my dear friend.
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01/23/2022 1:32 pm
@lovendures I "like" this 10 times over!!! Beautiful post!
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01/23/2022 3:37 pm
“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”
Wow, i love this, @deetoo. So surprised that he was in his 90's. He looked more like he was in his 30's.
I remember reading the newspaper one day and seeing an ad that Maya Angelou was speaking that day at the University near my house(!) I knew the auditorium was huge, and there would be hundreds, or possibly thousands of people attending. There was no way i would get to meet or speak with her. I had read all of her books, and thought that if i could just get her to look at me, that i could telegraph with my eyes just how deeply i loved and appreciated her. As i was getting dressed to go, i thought of something: I stuffed my dreadlocks into an enormous purple and yellow crocheted hat. "This oughta get her attention" In the auditorium, i got as close to the stage as i could. (Sorry to the folks behind me, lol) Sure enough, as she spoke and scanned the audience, i saw her eyes stop at my hat. Then she looked at me directly in the eyes. I put my love lamps on high-beam. By the look she gave me in return, i could tell she got the message.
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01/23/2022 4:21 pm
That is a wonderful story! Thank you! She is one of my all time favorite people. Did you know she is one of 5 women who will be on the new quarters this year? Her quarter is already in circulation. I can't wait to start looking at my change.
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Topic starter 01/23/2022 4:39 pm
@unk-p Beyond wonderful, your story. Thank you. I can only imagine what your love lamps on high beam would have done for her energy.
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01/23/2022 4:54 pm
@lovendures that is so cool about the quarters! I just checked my pockets- no Mayas yet, but i will keep checking. What i don't understand, is why is the Tubman $20 bill taking so long? I got my father the stamp that you can use to make your own Tubmans. He loves it. When he had me cash his stimulus check, he asked for it to be all in twenties. I said "man, that's a lot of $20 bills!", and he was like, "yeah, you better stop and get some more ink for my Tubman stamper" hehheh
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01/23/2022 6:14 pm
@deetoo Oh, thank you, thank you for these favorite quotes from Thich Nhat Hanh. He truly was a light in the darkness.
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01/23/2022 7:11 pm
What a wonderful story! Enforced I need to be here, the town in Georgia I moved to 4 years ago is Hogansville, the theme of the town is hummingbirds. Beautiful, happy things are around every corner :)
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01/23/2022 7:15 pm
Thank you for sharing those wonderful words. I had a 2021 calendar which had sayings from Thich Ngat Hanh and beautiful artwork for each month. This month it has been siting on my coffee table, I haven't wanted to throw it out and now I know why. I was reviewing it the day before he died. Many of the quotes you shared are ones I had enjoyed every month last year.
I think I will keep it around for awhile.
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01/24/2022 10:47 am
@jeanne-mayell This is a beautiful thread!
@deetoo @bluebelle Thank you for sharing about the passing of Thich Nhat Hanh. I have followed his page for a long time on FB and really resonate with so many of his sayings and philosophy. And what a wonderful memory you have of seeing him speak in person! The National Cathedral is such a stunning place - I can only imagine his presence there. This quote (as you said there are so many!) reminds me of our group and really makes sense to me: "We are all the leaves of one tree. We are all the waves of one sea." Just as in other spiritual traditions that teach that we are all a small part of a larger whole.
@unk-p “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” - This is one of my favorites as well.
@lovendures I love what you shared about your daughter and the discussion of her following her call to be a teacher, there in Texas, during a pandemic. As deetoo said, you encouraged your daughter from a young age to see that light and to live it. What a gift.
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