I start to get scared in August when I know summer is almost over in Portland and one never knows how Sept will be. Well, it rained on my birthday in July and almost half of summer was cloudy in 2019. Even in Florida on Christmas week it was cloudy and most days with some rain. It hasn’t been clear even one day for as long as I can recall here and I’m ready to scream. I already deal with depression, so this is very tough. It was clear for about an hour on Friday when I had therapy, but was pouring rain within an hour. I went to my aqua exercise class today, although I didn’t want to. I’ve been under bright light. I’m taking Paxil. I did some yard work. But I want to eat carbs and go away somewhere. But I also feel very lonely and my unworthiness feelings are hitting me badly. I’m taking care of things, but at 68 I know this is the same old thing. Even if I went away, I’d feel lonely and would know the problems I have that I’ve worked on for so long are still with me. I’ve had to keep from almost all news as it’s so disgusting. My eye that had the partially detached retina still has a lot of floaters and shadows. I will walk a dog. I don’t have good friends here that I want to get together with. A talented medium told me yesterday to meditate, but I suck at meditation. He told me to paint the colors of the chakras on 7 different canvases which I will do, stare at one at a time, then close my eyes to bring colors into my mind. I will try. He also said I have traumas I haven’t let go of. And that I wasn’t handed a very easy life to deal with or words to that effect. Moving to a sunny location isn’t going to happen as I have strong ties here with 3 people, therapist, acupuncturist, and psychiatric nurse. Also a very good naturopath. And sunny places are too hot in the summer. I’m off to walk a dog, but any ideas and/or warm thoughts are greatly appreciated. Oh, a high school friend is in town and wants to get together. She’s a trumper!!! Jeez
thanks,
Anita
Hi Anita. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and wishing you a new year of abundance and gratitude. It sounds to me as though you’re actively taking care of yourself in a lot of creative and healthy ways. Two things always help me when I’m feeling down-doing something good for someone else and meditating on gratitude. That helps me find joy in thankfulness and sharing with others. Have you tried volunteering at a hospital or care facility? There are so many people alone in this world who could benefit from your smiling face and listening ear. Even if you’re feeling down yourself, you can help others. Just a thought! (Sorry, I don’t know if getting together with a trumper is going to help. ?). Hang in there! Much love to you.
Hi BlueBelle,
you give good ideas, but the volunteer work is hampered by the fatigue I so often get, often out of the blue. The medium said I’m not absorbing my B12 and other vitamins.
so I will try with my enzymes . As for meditating, it’s seemed close to impossible for me to, but I’m going to try the painting the chakra colors as I wrote about.
Thanks for writing.
Anita
@lynnventura
Hi Lynn,
Yes, I’m on 5000 Iu of D3.
Also DHEA, L Theanine, B6, Omega 3, MAgnesium, a Multivitamin, CoQ10, L Tyrosine, and Progesterone.
i take a thyroid compounded supplement, hydrocortisone for my low cortisol, methylphenidate for ADHD, Paxil, and a low dose of Klonopin. I’ve had panic disorder and still occasionally have panic attacks. I am hypothyroid, have Epstein Barr, not active right now. At least I don’t think so. And I’ve been depressed on and off since a kid.
My naturopath put me on most of the supplements after giving me a few tests, including a genetic test.
Anita
Sounds like you're doing everything you can. I have trouble meditating too, especially when I'm anxious. I find doing origami (not that I'm good at it, but I just try) or working on jigsaw puzzles have meditative effects and benefits. xoxo
Oh my, anita, I feel for you. Sunlight has been my saving grace this winter, so I'm not sure if I could handle so much cloudiness, let alone deal so long with depression. You're a warrior.
Do you eat seafood? If so, eating a meal of cold water fish (cod, haddock, salmon, etc.) at least once per week is supposed to help with SAD (people in Iceland and northern Japan don't display SAD symptoms nearly as often as would be expected for their latitude, because of their high seafood consumption). If you already take fish oil supplements, you still may want to try out eating whole fish; there are lots of studies out there showing that eating actual fish is more effective than oil supplements for many people.
But enough with the fish proselytizing. I think the medium and @bluebelle are on the right track. Guided loving kindness meditations (metta) may be up your alley, especially since they don't require the intense, silent concentration of other meditation types. Metta certainly helped me feel more renewed and optimistic when I started experiencing SAD symptoms in October. The chakra suggestion from the medium also made me think of meditation by coloring in mandalas. Spontaneously designing and coloring my own mandalas helped when I was in the hospital three years ago for major depression.
I hope some of this helps.
@lynnventura
Yes, jigsaws! I was doing tons of those when I got out of the hospital.
I grew up in Western New York state, and the winter gloom was tough to deal with. One thing I found helpful was to go to a greenhouse plant nursery--taking in the green and smelling the earthy scent of freshly watered plants lifted my spirits. Perhaps there is a botanical garden or a place that sells plants that has a greenhouse you can walk through in your area?
Hope you see the sun soon!
Aromas and smells do affect me. Maybe I can find an indoor one here. I went into a bakery the other day with a craving for egg custard and I smelled all the wonderful baking of cakes. I loved that. But I don’t think I can sit in there all day.?. The woman
who waited on me said there are people who go in there just for that egg custard. I know it’s a comfort food for me.
Anita