Had a very turbulent divorce experience several decades ago when our daughter was about 3. I knew what was important to my ex and just said yes when he wanted extra time or to shift things up. His turbulent life continued and rather than judge him I explained to our daughter why he made the choices that he did and who he was at his core (of course this logic was applied to me as well). This was transformative for all of us. She learned that what other people say and do is more about their life experience and choices, and that she could choose differently than both her parents. I learned not to judge but to accept and understand my ex. The ex learned that we were always the unconditional love, support and acceptance he longed for. We all became dear close trusted friends. 25 years later we were with he and his wife when he passed. Our daughter went through his personal effects and discovered how well she knew her father and how much he loved everyone. While times may be difficult for you right now, they will shift. So,
Lead with your heart. Amazing things happen when we do.
Never be spiteful. You are setting the tone for the future
I wish you a peaceful holiday season and a happy 2023.
Hugs
I highly recommend an old but excellent book, Why is it Always About You? https://www.amazon.com/Why-Always-About-You-Narcissism/dp/0743214285 Hands down, the best book I have read on narcissism. Very clearly written with concrete suggestions. It isn't fair, but as Marigold suggests, you may have to teach your children how to handle him and to that end, there are excellent suggestions within these pages. My gut says that you could fare best by appearing neutral and "dropping your energy" which is to say be blank; don't give him energy against which to react. If he is self-focused you might frame everything you can in his best interest. Ex., "I can take the kids if you need rest." I bet a hundred bucks you have already done this many times.
To help yourself, I also recommend, Tina Zion's new book, Be Your Own Medical Intuitive. She offers strategies for summoning effective help and taking care of yourself. Intellectually, I have trouble "believing" but I have been using her techniques with excellent results lately. They are simple and she is ethical.
You may have already covered the following bases but just in case:
I don't remember, if you have ever said, how old your children are but having phone numbers, when to call 911, etc., can offer a safety margin. I am not recommending that you coach your children to report their father, but you can tell them that if you are not available, they can go to teachers, school social workers and other people for help and safety. Should a child abuse report result, the courts will see third parties as being more objective than you (not fair but...)
Keep asking for help, I bet it appears...
@raincloud thank you. I will order those books. I read a really scary one on divorcing a narcissist that made me aware of the perils of the legal system. But this is sort of exactly where I’m at right now- I’m getting my oldest 9 a phone and she’s in therapy and also definitely teaching both girls to use their voice, to notice red flags and she is well versed in the flow of fight flight and flow.
I did try having a friendly divorce for 5 years but it was clear that was not keeping us safe. I am trying to visualize our growth and a positive outcome to all of this hoping that truth Justice love and harmony prevail.
My cat Cleo went missing last night. She is NOWHERE.
I opened the door to get some air and maybe she went outside but she is terrified of outside.
She is my support animal and I love her like I loved my dog Toby.
If anyone here sees anything or get any messages from Spirit please let me know.
My cat Cleo went missing last night. She is NOWHERE.
I opened the door to get some air and maybe she went outside but she is terrified of outside.
She is my support animal and I love her like I loved my dog Toby.
If anyone here sees anything or get any messages from Spirit please let me know.
Prayers that she comes home. The best times to look for her are dawn and dusk.
I have had cats go missing; really awful, but I got them back.
In case my two experiences have any guidance to offer:
Once, a cat somehow got into a closet (so you might try looking in places in the house where Cleo could be trapped), and once, my terrified-of-the outside cat got out an opened window and was hunkered down inside a neighbor's fenced-in yard, terrified but he had not responded to my calls. I asked a couple of neighborhood boys to look for him and when they found him, they felt wealthy with a $20 reward.
If you have neighbors, perhaps they could be helpful. Also, an animal whisperer that I know, says animals don't speak human languages so she would suggest communicating with Cleo using mental pictures. Meanwhile, I will send Cleo related support through the ether....
We are doing everything possible to get her home safely. Very small home- rancher style. Searched again and again every inch.
I don't believe she is here in the house. I thought she may have passed but I am hoping she is nearby. Someone has offered to loan me a humane trap. Flyers made and posted. Neighbors on the lookout. My boyfriend and I searched all day. I posted on several sites and fb.
It is interesting that I have been working on a video performance of There's Still My Joy. This song has comforted me as I struggle to come to terms with the loss of a relationship with my daughter. Working on this was healing, even as I faced the onset of this new trial.i wonder why this life has been so challenging for me? Did I Actually sign up for this? But still there's joy.
Faced with the loss of my little angel cat, the trauma from my daughter pales in comparison. Nothing is more urgent than finding my darling cat safe and alive.
I received a discouraging reading today that said yes she is alive but no she is not coming back. That has to be wrong. I regretted asking. If that's true it would be kinder to spare me that info
I lost faith today. My friends held my faith for me until I was able to pick it back up. I continued on today to finish my video project. What a gift to be able to sing and comfort myself and others.
I am a visual learner. I will try to send and receive pictures from her. I am in too much pain though to get a good read on her.
She is just nowhere.
I am not sure I believe in them, but I have summoned Jeanne's Legion of Angels to protect my Cleo. I am not sure about G d either but I prayed.
@ghandigirl sending protection to Cleo and peace for you. I know how difficult this must be for you right now. Is she an indoor cat who may have gotten out or does she normally go out?
She is an indoor cat who is terrified of outside and it is puzzling.