Hi Laura. I understand how you feel. For me it's injustice and the pandemic. I don't watch the news so much, but I keep up on the major news and do read what's going on. Seeing the way the GOP and Trump are demolishing our democracy DURING a pandemic no less, is extremely stressful for me and disheartening. Thinking he even stands a sliver of a chance to continue or that the next several months before the election and the election itself can be tumultuous makes me scared and upset.
I do try to distract myself and feel grateful. I feel blessed for the little things, but that doesn't mean I can ignore the big red elephant in the room either (all of them and pun intended).
Those in this forum, my husband and my dearest family and friends are what has been getting me through all of this. And I'm sending you some extra love and light! ? ? ❤️
I too have been feeling similar. I am happiest and most content at home with my family during this time. I am a Cytotech in the lab field working on COVID-19 test development and am surrounded with data, positive results, co workers coming up positive, being asked to travel to NY and NJ for work etc.... So when I get to my "cave of solitude" as I like to call it at home on the weekends I am free to release the anxiety.
This worked well in the beginning of lock down but now when I am alone with my thoughts, I am feeling overwhelming loss when I think of the future. My heart knows the future will be better but I also have a hard time seeing it when we are surrounded by so much darkness from 45 and his merry band of misfits.
Just want you to know I feel you ❤️ and will send positive energy your way.
Lani
@ Ghandigirl. Thank you so much for your kind response. It brought tears to my eyes. *hugs* I hope Mom would see it that way, but things I could have done better do keep assaulting my mind. Emotional vs. rational, you probably know the drill.
I wish I had spent more time with her before she got sick, you know. Taking too much for granted is something we're all guilty of, I guess. I never could have thought she would have gotten sick in her 60s. I thought I'd have her until 80 at least... I had a vision of her head on a table 20 years ago (no horror like thing) when I left home. Now I know what that meant.
If only I could talk to her one more time... I hope she is there underneath the disease and feels the love, but on the other hand she would be horrified to be in a home. I just want to be able to say sorry and hug my mom, but yeah... this is a lesson that is most harsh: losing your parents and having things left unsaid.
I cannot phantom the pain you must be feeling. I understand the flogging and trying to deal with all these feelings of regret and pain. I once read somebody say that hurting yourself with past regrets and guilt is doing the devil's work, but man, forgiving yourself is probably the hardest thing you can do. Your only 'luck', if that's what you can call it, is that you can talk to your daughter. Get through it together. Talk, hug and love. Absolve each other of the sins of DNA, the brain and connect through your love.
Sending you love on a moonbeam;-)
ps: my last name translates 'of the moon', so there's that;-)
I enjoy reading mysteries, Steven King type books. I also like Chicken Soup For The Soul, and GuidePosts. I haven't been to church since I was twelve, but I believe in Angels and miracles. These stories make me feel better. Some I remember are really old.
Like the story of depression type family having a sad Christmas because they couldn't visit family and didn't even have music. Then a man came by and asked to spend the night and cut wood for a meal. He had a harmonica. They had a wonderful musical evening. When he left, he left the harmonica, of which they made good use.
Another story involved a a Jewish couple before WWII. They moved into a NYC neighborhood, and the Catholic priest was in need of money and the Jewish community got the money for him. Many years later, the husband had died, but his wife was looking for sponsors to take in Jews from Europe. The Government said they had reached their limit, and to try Cuba. She did, and who did she find but the same Catholic priest. He told her the Church would take them. He said they wouldn't be allowed to work, but the Church would take care of their needs. These stories of people having troubles, but getting a helping hand whether angels or another person who might in fact may be an angel.
@ghandigirl my mom had dementia and her personality changed, a lot. It was very hard to watch and care for her. She had a fall, broke her hip and was never able to fully recover and walk. We had to place her in a nursing home. It was a small one and she had caring nurses and aides. Plus we had different schedules and we all we there at different times, day and evening. When her personality got really challenging I was upset and frustrated. The nurse we became friends with posed a question that struck me and changed my perspective. She said, “do you think your mother would behave that way if she really knew what she was doing”? It immediately snapped me in focus. When you are a caregiver you go deep and sometimes get lost in the “caring”. We forget to come up for air. I was working, had children to raise, etc. we get lost. Don’t despair. I came to see my mom as a child, who really couldn’t help herself. It’s a difficult road. Sending you all peace and prayers. We all have struggled and we will get through this. Peace my friends ☮️❤️
Thanks, everyone. I can't say I'm feeling better because I wasn't feeling that bad to begin with, it's more of an intellectual angst, if that makes sense.
I so appreciate all of you!
BIG HUGS ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
This is nothing too serious but I need help with our remaining cat, Tess!!
Who among us is good at reading animals? Please help!
Tess is 12 years old. She has autoimmune issues including allergy and pemphigus folliculae (her hair follicles get infected and erupt if not treated carefully). She is a reiki-emitting cat despite this. She weighs all of 7 pounds and has been torturing us at night since well before our other kitty died. She was always the Alpha pet of our whole pack, regardless of animal type. She was adopted from a shelter at 12 weeks old, she is spayed and up to date on all shots.
Here's what she does and please understand NONE of this happens during the day, so it's not cognitive or pain related:
- Cuddles on us as we go to sleep
- At 1am jumps off the bed and walks (not runs) around the house screaming at the top of her lungs
- Pulls my husband's CPAP mask off with her paw
- Pulls our covers off and lightly scratches our arms and shoulders
- Sits upright between our heads on the bed and screams some more
- Agitates the dogs at 4am by pouncing on them in their sleeping sacks
- Gets a running start to jump-run over us in the bed
- Pulls my hair with her paw
- Intermittent cuddling between these activities, but she does it by throwing her body against us hard
What we do to try to mitigate this so far (not all at once and not in chronological order, but all have been or are being tried daily):
- Extended physical play late evening
- Extra love and attention in bed before we try to sleep
- Crunchies served right at bedtime
- Low dose Benadryl
- Low dose Apoquel
- Low dose Tramadol
- CBD oil (oral and topical)
- Potassium supplementation
- Amino acid supplementation
- Calming treats from about 5 different manufacturers
- Feliway diffusers and spray
- Lavender oil spray
- Extended time outdoors in her XL dog crate in our backyard during daylight hours
- Episodes of physical hunt-kill play during the day (as our schedules allow)
- Harness/leash walks around the further parts of our property and/or on our block
- Stopped exposing her to our daughter's cat (who lives in garage)
- Lots of high up spaces to overlook activities both in and towards out of the house
- I've tried just having a chat with her at bedtime, with petting and soothing voice
The things that have changed the most for her:
- Our hound died 3 years ago this week, Tess was fairly friendly with her
- Arlo, our other cat, died in February
- Our daughter (who she used to mostly sleep with) moved out 3 years ago (even though she's in the garage now she's not in her old bedroom, but she does visit with Tess a lot)
All of the vets are at a loss, say there's nothing else to try. I'm hoping one of you has good animal mojo and can help me out with this. Like I said, this is not pressing or urgent, but anyone who needs a break from the daily stresses we're all dealing with who wants to do something "lighter" is welcome to try.
Thanks and namasté!
@laura-f I get the feeling that she's rediscovering her nocturnal instincts, possibly triggered by all the changes. She doesn't get why you all just lie there in the middle of the night (the best hunting time) like bumps on a log. She doesn't really "remember" that that is what you've always done. She just knows that it's happening now and wants you to get up and go hunt with her. As for how to fix that? I'm not sure, but I'm thinking maybe an new addition who's more amenable to staying up all night to hunt with her. (I get the feeling that's not quite amenable to you though, lol :), but I feel like that would help)
@laura-f Hi Laura, i am looking at the pic you chose to post, and trying to get what it is saying. I notice the indoor cat is facing away, we cannot see her face at all. The main focal point of the photo seems to be the outdoor cat, which happens to be taking a poop(!). Not sure what it *means*.
I think @frank may be on to something, tho.
Also @firstcat on page 4 of the "All things pets" thread has offered to do free readings for pets.
Here's my read on the cat photo.
Cats are territorial and feel most threatened when excreting and eating. The cat in the bed is intruding on a private moment by openly viewing it. It knows it is. So it is in a power position of low grade passive-aggressive behavior. The cat is a voyeur.
The other cat is appearing vulnerable and unguarded, and unaware of the stare of the first cat.
This photo is about cat dominance and submission, at both a conscious and unconscious level.
******************************************************************
I saw an article about making a "lap" for your cat. A pair of pants covering a cushion and then shoes tucked in...think; 1/2 scarecrow. Supposed to comfort.
My kitty Cleo cried at night from loneliness so I got her a companion. She doesn't cry anymore. She is too busy sitting and sniffing at the door separating them.
I just tried Felliway and it is a soothing aromatic synthesized hormone that calms cats. It's a plug in, like a Glade air freshener.
Sorry to have so much pet stuff here...I could not find the pet thread on the forums ...
I am needing some support. Bipolar Depression is rough lately as is asthma. Imbalances all. At least my work week is almost done. Have some time to rest and regroup.
New doc has put me on two new asthma meds that are non steroids. He told me "You are not crazy. This is not in your head." I had been dismissing it as a byproduct of stress.
I am noticing that I have developed a habit of sadness. I am a soloist(Voice. guitar) and my tendency has always been to sing the sad songs of disappointment, rather then enjoying singing happier songs with more uplifting messages.
My mood disorders and accompanying misdiagnoses, and wrong medications, have steered me into some very dark places. It can be tricking climbing back up and out once my moods begin to spiral out. I have been called a downer many times by others, even those who are closest to me. When this happens, as it seems to do, I feel blindsided and profoundly hurt. No one truly seems to get it. Maybe a close friend or two...
I am working up to watching George Floyd's memorial. I really need to surround myself with positive stories now. Also practice much more moderation in my daily practices. I feel out of balance, needing a chakra realignment, needing peace.
My kitty just came over to cuddle and comfort. We are healing each other.
Sending you comfort and healing my friend. I am a hugger. Wrapping my arms around you from Virginia ❤️ . Hope your weekend is restful.
Lani
@mililani @ghandigirl I’m a hugger too and I do believe that in this time of covid restrictions we’ve all been a lot lighter in the hug department. Along with everything else that’s happening it’s all so heavy and, for me at least, makes me very quiet. I’m never quiet. So, come on in, let’s hug it out, even if virtually. In my minds eye I’m hugging you all. Actually I envision the world being wrapped by a huge hug. Then I hear that Coca Cola song in my head. “I’d like to buy the world a coke”. I’m 62 so those of you my age will know. Love, peace and hugs ❤️☮️?
@febbby23, @mililani @ghandigirl
OMG I was just hearing that song in my head when I just read these posts. "I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony, ..." Coke used that song and it was brilliant marketing for them at the time. The actual song lyrics are beautiful and I'm sending light to you all:
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow white turtle doves
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
For peace through out the land
(That's the song I hear)
In perfect harmony
In perfect harmony
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow white turtle doves
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
For peace through out the land
(That's the song I hear)
In perfect harmony
In perfect harmony
In perfect harmony, that's the song I hear
@Ghandigirl. Big hug from me and my two cats. Cats are wonderful creatures and will help lift your spirit. I'll put on some Woodstock to get the vibes going and send them your way;-)
Whether it is upbeat disco, a hippie sing along or a funny movie, don't let the world drag you down. So much more out there to enjoy. Be strong, you can beat this (and I am saying this as a fellow Bipolar).
@ghandigirl, make that a second big hug coming your way from VA. ?
This is such a hard time we’re all going through right now. The ongoing health challenges you face on top of our collective pain must make it feel overwhelming at times. I’m sorry that you have encountered such insensitive people who have called you a downer. Some people just don’t get it, or they don’t want to. I’m glad that you do have one or two friends who offer support without judgment.
You really are a beacon of light to this community, even when you are in a sad, frightened or dark place. I think it’s because you allow us to see the real you. Many times your vulnerability has given me the courage to step outside of my ego self and into the light.
I am sending comforting and supportive light to you, dear @ghandigirl.
Don't read too much into the photo, I literally clicked on the wrong one and couldn't figure out how to swap it out. Yes, the pooping cat - he's our neighbor cat, who is 100% outdoor. Tess is not threatened by him, she does watch him when he goes by our windows, but she doesn't talk to him. She's always been pretty secure... Like I said, she's an Alpha.
As for a new companion, we have decided to wait til Tess is gone. This is not due to her personality so much as for a) finances (we spent over $10k on vet bills last year), and b) both she and our cat who passed in February seem to have come to us with some kind of unidentifiable, congenital, viral infection. We believe it may have triggered his cancer, and we believe it is playing a role in her autoimmune disease. So when Tess goes (probably within the next 2 years), I will be tossing out everything either cat ever touched and starting from scratch with a new kitten. (And that new kitten will be getting health insurance.)
I do agree she is more like "Why are you sleeping? There's fun stuff to do!", but what concerns me is the yowling (as opposed to just meowing). She doesn't have any of the other symptoms of feline cognitive decline (so far anyway).
I have decided to try Melatonin at low dose, already ordered some from Chewy, we'll see if that helps.
Dearest GhandiGirl - I am so sorry for your struggles, glad you have a healing kitty and the gift of music to soothe your soul. Hugs remain out of the question, I wonder if you can at least step outside into the sunshine for a bit?
And don't beat yourself up for NOT wanting to watch anything that might bring you down. I haven't, and I look at it as a form of self-protection. We here all know you are aware of what's going on, don't feel like you have to put yourself through watching these "police snuff films" or the memorials that occur as a result.
On the Great Unraveling thread, I posted a link to 35 positive pics from the recent demonstrations. I found that to be quite uplifting.
Like migraines, bipolar is a disease of the brain - an issue of chemical imbalance. No need to apologize for that any more than if you were born with an extra toe!
If I may ask - re: asthma meds - I am allergic to steroid inhalers, and I had been getting my non-steroidal one imported from Canada (because it's no longer allowed in US due to tiny amount of CFC propellant). I ran through most of my supply this winter being so sick, and with the pandemic I can't get any more. May I ask which ones your doctor put you on?
Sending you big hugs and much love.
For the thousandth time, wish I could post links for music or images ... so I continue to be challenged, ?
Here's one of my fav songz... it was originally done by Eric Burdon, and since has been redone by alot of great artists like Elvis Costello ....
This version by Nina Simone : "Oh Lord, Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" ....
The best version!