@Cindy - So sorry for the loss of your mother, even if it sounds expected, more sorry you can't engage properly in the closure rituals that are not permitted right now. Stay strong.
@Jason - You might want to look into what's involved with taking a medical leave for school, and use your anxiety/depression as the cause. If you can engage with an online therapist, do so, and they may be able to "certify" that you are not medically able to participate in school at this time, that may save your financial aid.
@Triciact - Here's my suggestions for insomnia:
- Turn off ALL electronic devices 2-3 hours before you want to fall asleep
- Avoid documentaries, news and caffeine after 5pm (not even chocolate). Also avoid alcohol after 5pm (as I get older I find that it just keeps me up).
- Find a pleasant fiction book to read at night - my faves when I'm stressed are the Harry Potter books and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
- Binaural beats music - listen in bed on good headphones - here's my favorite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jmrIggwCXc
- Use essential oil of lavender - put a few drops on a blindfold or other cloth to lay over your eyes. Spritz some around your bedding. Alternatively, if yo have fresh in your garden, tuck a few sprigs under your pillow.
- I don't have one, but I know a lot of people keep a Himalayan pink salt lamp in their bedrooms to create a soothing atmosphere.
- Consider doing a crossword or adult coloring book during the day, leave your phone off for a bit here and there.
- Netflix has a few old Bob Ross videos - try watching one before you shut off the TV for the night.
- Supplement with Magnesium glycinate (or lactate) after dinner. Start with 500mg, you can take more, but if you get diarrhea back off.
- Consider CBD supplementation - Charlotte's Web is a reliable online brand.
- Drink chamomile or rooibos tea after dinner, consider having a light carb with it, like one piece of buttery toast, or a couple of crackers with a nut butter, or an apple.
- Take a warm shower or bath before bedtime too.
- Make sure you bedroom is cool and dark.
Hope this helps!
@stargazer Thank you for sharing this. I too have been looking for music to lull me into sleep; as I used to live in New Mexico, the name Taos Winds Spirit Music definitely speaks to me.
Welcome. I am relatively new myself but I could feel your anguish. Certainly isolation is not doing anything for you. Perhaps we can reframe the online learning experience for you. Is there a classmate you can team up with via Zoom or any other means? That will help with brainstorming, exchanging concepts & hopefully it will assuage the loneliness that you feel. It sounds like a small step to take but 1+1 >2 in this case. What if you initiated a study group? Don’t feel you’ve to limit yourself to just the students in your class. How about a peer or peers halfway around the globe? Send out a call on social media and see what flows back to you. Your curriculum will not be the same but the interactions may give you the uplift and inspiration you need to revive your desire to learn to help the planet. Please keep us in the loop.
@Jason, One more thing. I suspect that if you drop out, it will be harder for you to get the drive to get back in.
You are clearly out of your comfort zone in the online classes. Okay, I get it. But you might gain something from staying in the game and finishing. It is hard and so painful, but you might learn something about yourself about facing this adversity and pushing through the pain. I think you will be glad you saw it through.
I wonder if any of us can give you tips to deal with the really boring online classes? I have suffered LD (Learning disability) issues all my life, and a few years ago was forced to take five hard online classes a in order to get a degree I wanted. When I was in college forty years earlier, I would get incomplete at the end of the semester rather than face final exams in some subjects. I'd finish the courses during the summer.
So much of the problem had been fear -- a belief that if I hadn't mastered the material, I'd fail the test.I couldn't bear to fail.
So back in those early days, I would get an incomplete and take the whole summer to finish the course. But when I went back to school a few years ago, they weren't going to let me do that without paying extra $ for it. I was forced to buck up and get through it. And I did.
The trick I used was to visualize every day for two weeks before the test that I passed it. Perhaps that gave me the courage to show up or maybe it caused me to pass.
Whatever you do, let us help encourage you.
@Jeanne-mayell and @Pikake: Thank you both for your suggestions and willingness to help. I truly do appreciate it.
Jeanne, upon reflection, what underlies my academic difficulties is fear as well. For me, the fear is that I haven't chosen the right path in life, that all the work and money I've invested in has been for nothing, and I'll never really end up getting the educational experience I want. Ever since high school, and probably before, I've felt resentful that what I was doing in school was just busy work, and I never got the opportunity to learn the things that I want to learn. I'm not giving up at this point; I've decided to make this investment and work within the (very very) imperfect framework of education that our society provides at the moment.
For me, the trouble isn't absorbing the information; it's forcing myself to stay the course even though I don't like the work that I have to do. I know through experience that I can do well at most everything if I apply myself, but too often I let myself get burnt-out and resentful and end up quitting in a self-defeating gesture. To overcome this, I think the key concepts I need to apply are budgeting and balance. Budgeting in the sense of setting a finite amount of time per day to work on my schoolwork where I won't get distracted, so that the work is not a vague dark cloud hanging over my entire week. I'm familiar with the Pomodoro method and it does help at forcing me to get started, as initially painful as it is.
Balance for me, is reminding myself that there is a life outside of school. I have been guilty of working so hard and with so much determination to get a good grade that it's at the detriment of other things that give me joy in life (that's the burnout that I mentioned). I think it's even more important for me to look for other experiences that can give me the feelings of satisfaction and gratification that have been inevitably deferred in this situation. Now that the virus situation has clouded the future in terms of how my academic journey is going to work itself out, I need things in my life that bring me concrete indications of progress. For me, that's my other life creative projects that I do have more control over like art, cooking, and now, starting a modest garden.
So, I think at this point life is forcing me to learn self-discipline (as much I don't like the term, it sounds punitive, but it is what it is). I can see the value in that for me, but oh it's a hard lesson to learn. Thank you for giving me the space to vent; I'm working through it and I'm not giving up yet.
Hi Jason. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. We're about the same age. Because of intervening personal issues, it took me nearly six years to get my BA in environmental studies, and there were several times when I just wanted to give up. I agree with most of what has already been said here by others.
But I do think that occasionally giving yourself a break can be necessary. If that's what your inner compass is telling you to do, go for it. If you can find a way to take off a semester or a full year beginning next fall, you may want to mix things up and do something unconventional. I took a semester off to work and live on organic farms through a "barter" system that was facilitated by the platform WWOOF-USA (I've gushed about this program before). Unlike restaurants, farms need to stay open. In fact, organic CSA farms are turning out to be a major node of resilience while our industrial food system goes into convulsions. There's the plus that this work lends itself to environmental studies.
Just an idiosyncratic thought ? .
Hi Jason. My daughter and her cohorts also had to finish their year online. She doesn't mind having some online classes in general and actually likes French and a few others because she is an introvert. It doesn't work well when a majority of your classes are music and you can't perform your ensemble classes online. Her boyfriend is a aeronautical engineer and he is a straight A student who loves in person classes. It has been a difficult transition for him to online only. Many of his professors are not tech savvy and he feels there is more work than before. He thrives in in-person class settings and is getting very discouraged. Yo are not alone in your struggle.
I have a question, Are you able to have an internship? That might be helpful for a variety of reasons. Also, can you form online groups to study and discuss classes? Ones where you actually interact with your voice, not just messaging? That might help. Can you read reviews of teachers and see which ones are good online instructors and take their classes?
Lots of good suggestions so far from others. I hope you feel supported and can come up with something that will work for you. Good Luck and let us know how things go.
As I write this, I hope you are sound asleep in peaceful slumber. Insomnia is such a beast. I’ve noticed that I tend to sleep better when I’ve exercised that day, especially after a long walk outside. That’s hard to fit in when you’ve been working all day or the weather is inclement. There have been a lot of great tips posted for you and I hope you get some relief soon. Just know that I am thinking of you and sending you love and peace.
Somehow I missed your post yesterday, so apologies for not replying sooner.
I teach at a state university in North Carolina and the transition to online learning has been difficult. I lost 1/3 of my students, although I've done what I can to email them to encourage them, reduce the course load, etc. But online learning doesn't work for everyone, and not everyone has a good situation at home, which the isolation can make worse.
Has your university offered any options to help students grade-wise? Ours has given students the option to withdraw from classes even after grades are posted (the code reads withdraw-COVID) and they can opt for a passing grade to read "Satisfactory" (pass for pass/fail) instead of a letter grade. So even if they pass with a C minus, they can change that to a "S" and their GPA will not be affected. I hope that administrators at your school have put in place some similar options, and it may be worth investigating.
In any case, you might just break down what you need to do to focus on just passing your classes. Be gentle and kind with yourself right now, and understand that you are doing your best under VERY difficult, unprecedented circumstances. A C or D may be a win right now, especially if that means you don't have to re-take the class. But even if you need to withdraw or can't pass, please know that you will be okay. Back in college I struggled terribly with depression, and my first semester of college I couldn't get out of bed for days at a time. I was suicidal and even made an attempt at one point. So I failed my Understanding Fiction class, but that didn't stop me from eventually completing a degree in English, going on to graduate school, and even teaching first-year writing. Anyone who is looking at student transcripts for Spring 2020 will know that student performance will be affected by COVID-19.
One thing I encourage my students to do is to break down large tasks into smaller, more manageable bits and to set one small goal per day--this can help reduce the overwhelm. Since you are missing interpersonal connection, you might look into what tutoring services have been made available online. Our writing center and academic support services are still going right now, using technology to connect peer tutors with students. You might use that as an "accountability" measure--just to motivate you to study content for a test or write a draft of a paper due, and you'll also have that connection with a person.
This sure isn't easy! Do what you can to get through, and be kind to yourself.
Dear Cindy, my heart is with you at the loss of your beloved mother. My condolences for the loss of your father's cousin too. I'm with you in spirit and sending you lots of love and healing energy. I know it's a lot on your plate right now with your father etc. I am giving you a big hug and enveloping you in soft white and pink light as I write this. We both have an additional angel who will watch over us soon.
Thank you for your sleep suggestions. I am a "throw it against the wall and see what sticks" person so I'm trying everything that folks here suggest. Bless you! ? ? ❤️ ❤️
@jeanne-mayell @bluebelle, @lovendures @gbs, @laura-f @herondreams @stargazer
THANK YOU ALL so very much! I'm so truly appreciative of all of your suggestions and energy. ?
I have written down everyone's suggestions and I took steps last night and can say I did finally sleep better - not perfect - but much better and it didn't take me hours to fall asleep. I tried @jeanne-mayell suggestion of the Jennifer Percy's Yoga Nidra for Sleep and found it was extremely helpful! Thank you! I'm also trying @frank suggestion too tonight.
For me any kind of emotional stress seems to be harder on my body than physical stress. Whenever my deepest emotions are taxed I notice it affects me physically.
I'm amazed how wonderful and loving everyone here is and I want to say how blessed you all make me feel. Thank you again for all your help. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
@cindy I’m so sorry about your mom. Holding you and your family close in my prayers and my heart. ❤️☮️
@cindy I am very sorry for your losses. I will be thinking of you and sending you healing light.
@triciact I agree with @jeanne-Mayelle that Jennifer Piercy’s Yoga Nidra for Sleep on Insight Timer is really relaxing. I also like some of her other yoga nidra meditations. Additionally, I can recommend relaxation or sleep meditations by Glenn Harold or Andrew Johnson on the same app. Any of their things usually put me to sleep quickly.
@Jason I am very sorry to hear of your struggles with online classes. It is a challenge. Do you know anyone from the classes that you can discuss the material with? Sometimes just having someone who is studying the same subject to talk to makes it easier to get through. Or is it possible to create a class chat group for the courses? One of my children who is in the same boat as you are with regard to now having to study online regularly chats with fellow students about whatever subject they are working on. I will be thinking of you and sending you light to get through this challenging time. Let us know how you are doing!
@triciact I agree with @jeanne-Mayelle that Jennifer Piercy’s Yoga Nidra for Sleep on Insight Timer is really relaxing. I also like some of her other yoga nidra meditations. Additionally, I can recommend relaxation or sleep meditations by Glenn Harold or Andrew Johnson on the same app. Any of their things usually put me to sleep quickly.
Thank you Baba! ?
@cindy, I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I am praying for you and your dad, and am holding you both in protective, comforting and peaceful light. You and your family will be in my healing meditation on Wednesday.
Lots of love to you. ?
@triciact, I'm sorry that you're dealing with insomnia. I can empathize. I've experienced insomnia, in varying degrees, for the past 20 years. As @bluebelle remarked, it's a beast. I am glad to hear that you slept better last night.
I can totally relate when you stated “Whenever my deepest emotions are taxed I notice it affects me physically.” For me, my sleep is often troubled when strong emotions are involved. During the day I can sometimes push those emotions aside, especially when I have things to occupy my mind and time. But when the quiet of nighttime comes, those emotions can return, as do those ruminating thoughts. Grief is certainly a big one for me. Not only are you experiencing the collective grief, but also the grief of losing your beloved Aunt Mickey.
I like the ideas that people have posted. (In fact I will try the Yoga Nidra meditation myself). Here are a few more suggestions:
- Writing in my journal with my non-dominant hand – it can help to turn off my monkey mind
- Getting a foot massage from my husband
- Progressive relaxation exercises (i.e. focusing on each part of your body, tensing your muscles, and letting go)
- Getting out of bed and doing something that calms me, e.g. reading an inspirational, funny or light book, etc. (but as @laura-f stated, no electronic devices)
- If the weather is good, go outside on my deck, sit quietly and look at the moon and stars
- Temporarily sleeping in another bedroom (I discovered when I realized that I could fall asleep watching TV on the sofa, but couldn’t sleep once I retired to my bed)
If I have anxiety:
- The supplements l-theanine and magnesium glycinate, 30 minutes before retiring
- If I have palpitations, slightly elevating the upper part of my body. (Fortunately we have an adjustable bed, but pillows should also work). This was recommended by my CFS doctor for my autonomic dysfunction. Too long to explain that one, but it helps.
- Doing a simple, polyvagal exercise that can help to down-regulate the sympathetic nervous system. My physical therapist introduced it to me. I spoke more about in an earlier post. It looks and sounds kooky, but it helps me. I do it a few times a day. You can do it either sitting up or lying down. Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHBpHl0oebo
- Smiling. I’m not kidding. I just lay there in my dark room, and smile. I discovered that when I was on the verge of a panic attack. It can put me in a more calming emotional space. I think my angels like that one!
- I remind myself that this, too, shall pass.
I'll be surrounding you in peaceful, calming light tonight. ❤️ ? ❤️
I can totally relate when you stated “Whenever my deepest emotions are taxed I notice it affects me physically.” For me, my sleep is often troubled when strong emotions are involved. During the day I can sometimes push those emotions aside, especially when I have things to occupy my mind and time. But when the quiet of nighttime comes, those emotions can return, as do those ruminating thoughts. Grief is certainly a big one for me. Not only are you experiencing the collective grief, but also the grief of losing your beloved Aunt Mickey.
I like the ideas that people have posted. (In fact I will try the Yoga Nidra meditation myself). Here are a few more suggestions:
- Writing in my journal with my non-dominant hand – it can help to turn off my monkey mind
- Getting a foot massage from my husband
- Progressive relaxation exercises (i.e. focusing on each part of your body, tensing your muscles, and letting go)
That's exactly what happens to me. When I am emotionally and mentally calm, my sleep is not as disturbed. It's been a long time that I have actually felt relaxed that I don't have to worry about sleep (since 2016!). When I was young person grief would overwhelm me, I would cry a lot and just be kind of a zombie. Now that I'm older and I have more responsibility and have to work during this time I compartmentalize it more but it comes to me at night in the form of restlessness.
I like the foot massage idea from the hubby ?
Thank you Dee! ?
Posted by @triciact:
Now that I'm older and I have more responsibility and have to work during this time I compartmentalize it more but it comes to me at night in the form of restlessness.
Tricia -- boy, can I relate to that! Back when I was working, I never seemed to have enough time left over for myself and self-care. That never made sense to me, especially since I didn't have children, but that tells you where my priorities were. Back then as I went through bouts of insomnia, I would worry about how functional I was going to be at work the next day. And of course, the worry just made sleep more challenging. I finally relinquished some control and gave myself permission to have "off" days -- meaning that if I'd slept poorly or didn't feel well, it was okay if I wasn't giving 100% during my workday. (I sense you are someone who gives more than 100% to your work, which is why I'm mentioning it. I bet that you give much more than you think you do.)
It was striking that balance of honoring myself and honoring my outside commitments that also helped me.