Hi all ... very quick ask for good energy and prayer and protection. My dad was in a freak accident (because truly, there is no other kind when it comes to him; he doesn't do anything in a normal way), and is in the hospital. My mom can't enter the hospital because of covid. We don't know anything about his condition, he had to be taken my ambulance, my uncle was with him but is in shock and wasn't able to tell my mom much. Please send goodness and strength to him and my mom. Thank you so much.
My meditation with Jeanne and some of the others from this lovely forum led to an epiphany. I think I have found out how to let this go. While meditating, I was reminded of the fact that I am good. I do good. I can share goodness with others. And that it's okay to feel these feelings. I was frustrated by feeling angry. I didn't want to feel it. I wanted it to just go away. And that just meandered into some other things I think I'd forgotten about suffering and wanting what we can't have.
I'm Catholic (well, sort of lapsed, but I identify with the mysticism -- not what people have done to pollute it over the centuries), but I know about Buddhism because it's part of the curriculum I teach to 6th graders in my state (along with all world religions). Buddhism would teach that I must detach from the desire here. So my desire is to preserve my dignity. My desire is to protect my work product. My desire is to hold her accountable. Can I NOT want those things?
I thought to myself, what if I just let her get away with this? She will have my work product. So what? Does that change my value? No. It might allow her to steal business from me and the other consultants, but in truth, this is not my calling. Who has attached my dignity to this situation? I have. She certainly hasn't, lol. So why would I give her the power to take my dignity away? No. She will not.
The truth is that this part-time consulting I've been doing was a nice opportunity. It paid a lot of money which helped us during some really difficult times in the past. I enjoy working with other teachers and helping them hone their practices, but if I am honest with myself, this isn't what I see myself doing long term. At one time, I thought I could do it in retirement, but now I feel there is a different path, and retirement is a long way off, yet for me.
I do have some other irons in the fire. They aren't ripe yet, so they may not even pan out, but who knows? Maybe this is a way for me to gain clarity about what really is important to me.
Parizienne
@parizienne good thoughts. Good luck and take care - you sound like you are on a good track!
@saibh I am so sorry to hear this news. I will lift your dad, and all of you, in prayer for a complete healing and peace to you all. Peace dear one. ❤️☮️